Silver Linings and all That Stuff

Well, the good news is that I'm finally within a normal BMI. 159 pounds at 5'7" (yes, I'm a bit short) is 24.9, the upper limit for "normal." The bad news is that it's because I'm taking terrible care of myself. Eating poorly, sleeping poorly, and behaving poorly. I really need to go in again for a psychiatric evaluation. Maybe I should talk to Aaron about what the doctors have tried diagnosing him with over the years. It might provide a clue as to where I should start. It's felt like a steady slide downhill for me over the last few years, but truth is that it's been a problem all my life. Still, I'm optimistic that something can be done. I also have freaky self-destructive control issues that I was never fully aware of. Once they were pointed out to me it was like a veil was lifted and some of my more mysterious behaviors suddenly made perfect sense. I probably don't need medication for that, but I do need counseling. Good counseling, not the "so how's your week been?" sort. More like training. Yeah, I need mental training.

I don't have insurance, but there are some community clinics in the area, including one that handles mental health. God bless Seattle.

My brain feels clearer right now than it has in months. It's still freakishly hard for me to do everyday things, but I can clearly see the obstacles in me that are making it difficult. That is preferable to the fog I was in before, where it felt like things could come in from any direction.

And hey, I've lost about 80 pounds in the last 2 years. I don't look like a potato anymore. That's pretty awesome.